Have you just started working with a new nanny and are looking for tips to foster a successful relationship with her? Maybe you've had nannies for a while but are experiencing some challenges. Or perhaps you're still looking to hire a nanny and are wondering how you can prevent any hiccups from happening in the future.
Whatever your circumstances, creating a nurturing and respectful partnership with your nanny is possible - even if you feel things started on the wrong foot! Years of experience in supporting families to find the perfect nanny for their childcare needs and requirements have taught us there are some key do's and don'ts when it comes to paving the way for a positive and lasting connection with your nanny.
So let's look at what you can do (and what pitfalls you should avoid) to create a respectful partnership that values both the parents' and the nanny's contributions to your children's lives. That way, you can both live and work in a supportive and thriving household.
How to nurture a strong relationship with your nanny
Respect time and compensation
One of the key foundations of a great nanny/parent partnership is respect. Your nanny is your employee, so treat her like you'd expect to be treated at work. That means adhering to the tasks and hours of work you've agreed to in the contract, for example.
Always make sure your nanny feels valued and respected by being proactive with payments and considering her extra efforts. If she's paid for your child's swimming class, pay her back promptly and without being asked. If it's easier, consider giving her a debit/credit card that she can use for expenses. But if not, simply pay her back and quickly! And if she's worked overtime, don't make her chase for payment for those extra hours either.
Trust
This is one of the most important aspects of having a successful relationship with your nanny. One of the main reasons a nanny will leave her job is due to a lack of trust - we hear this time and time again. If a nanny is not trusted, she feels she's being micromanaged. Professional candidates want to be able to do their jobs properly, and this requires their employers to fully trust them.
Micromanagement doesn't work, so it's important to have a good handover at the start. This is so your nanny is aware of your style, parenting values, and expectations. You must share what's important to you with her, so she's aware and can meet your expectations. If your nanny is doing something a certain way but not how you want her to do it, tell her and she'll happily adapt. This is key to a successful trusting relationship.
Establish clear communication and expectations
When we work with families, we always ensure that job roles and expectations are clearly defined at the outset and documented in the contract. This helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures a smooth working relationship.
So avoid asking your nanny to carry out tasks not included in the job description, such as cooking meals for the whole family or taking your shirts to the dry cleaners. If you need the odd family errand or favour, ask in advance but don't expect the nanny to feel obliged to comply with additional requests. Similarly, if you need the nanny to work overtime one evening or do some extra babysitting, give her plenty of notice. And also accept that she can say no if the arrangements don't work for her.
Create a supportive environment
Treat your nanny with the respect and consideration she deserves by recognising and prioritising the fact that your home is also her workplace. If you regularly work from home, chances are that your child seeing you there might disrupt the routine that the nanny has established with them. So how can you make sure you successfully share the working space? It helps if you work in a different room, that's 'out of sight' so your child doesn’t know you're home. Ideally, your workspace is on another floor so you can work without being disturbed by any noise the nanny and children are making. If you want to pop downstairs for lunch, discuss and plan the best time for this with your nanny.
If you have a live-in nanny, be mindful of the fact she has designated spaces to work but needs to relax and rest when she's not working. Give her that time and space, as while she lives with you, she's not working 24/7. So respect her time off and don't interrupt it with work-related requests or responsibilities.
'Give and Take'
Think of your relationship with your nanny as 'Give and Take'. One day you may be stuck in a meeting at work or in traffic and be late home. Despite our best efforts, things happen! So make sure you communicate this with your nanny as soon as you can. If this is a one-off, thank your nanny for working overtime and offer to either pay her or give her the time back. However, don't take for granted that she'll cover for you time and again. If getting home late becomes a habit, perhaps you should consider making different arrangements.
Occasionally, your nanny may need to leave early for an appointment or come in late. It’s important to remember that if she works full-time hours for you, there could be an occasion when she needs to attend a doctor's appointment, for example. She’ll appreciate flexibility from her employers to attend any important appointments.
We always encourage open communication and constructive feedback. If you want to build a relationship based on collaboration and understanding, treat your nanny with respect, empathy, and reciprocity.
Things to avoid when working with your nanny to ensure a smooth relationship
Lack of transparency
Always strive to be honest and transparent in your interactions with your nanny. Communicate your expectations, schedules, and any changes clearly and in advance to avoid misunderstandings. If you need a favour from your nanny, ask her kindly rather than expecting her to do something for you that falls outside her job description. Also, be direct in your communication so your nanny is left with no doubt as to what you're asking or saying to her.
Always keep the lines of communication open by encouraging your nanny to come to you with any concerns or questions. You want to create a relationship based on mutual understanding. So be transparent about job requirements, compensation, and household expectations.
Disregarding boundaries
Respecting boundaries is crucial in any professional relationship, including the one with your nanny. Avoid overstepping personal and professional boundaries by setting clear limits on tasks, working hours, and personal space. Recognise and respect that your nanny has a personal life outside of work and deserves time off to recharge.
For example, if you need to work from home unexpectedly, but setting your laptop up on the kitchen table creates disruption in the nanny's routine with your child, try and find an alternative solution. Show consideration and empathy for the nanny's needs and, just like you'd expect your employer to do this for you, create the best conditions for her to do her job.
If you travel with your nanny and ask her to work extra hours, be mindful that she's working overtime. She's also away from her home, and this is still her job. She may be staying in a lovely hotel or villa in the beautiful sunshine, but she’s working hard and in an unfamiliar environment. Nannies are often flexible to travel with their employers, but they should be compensated extra for being away from home as well as working on a weekend if this is expected. Be mindful to stick to boundaries when travelling so your nanny is not overworked.
Ignoring feedback
Listening to your nanny's feedback and concerns is key to building a strong and collaborative working relationship. If she offers any input or suggestions, don't dismiss or overlook what she has to say. Instead, welcome those interactions! Actively listen to her feedback, address any issues promptly if you can, and encourage more open dialogue.
The fact your nanny feels comfortable enough to come to you with any feedback or suggestions is a great sign. So show her that you value her perspective and are committed to creating a positive work environment
Underappreciation
Always recognise and appreciate your nanny's hard work and dedication, especially if she regularly goes the extra mile in caring for your child or accommodates any additional requests or last-minute changes to her schedule. Avoid making her feel undervalued or underappreciated by always expressing gratitude for her efforts. Celebrate her achievements, and acknowledge her positive contributions to your family. After all, you couldn't continue to focus on your career if it wasn't for the great job your nanny is doing in helping care for your child.
So thank her and, wherever you can, try and incorporate regular little gestures to recognise her efforts. At the end of the year, you could also reward her for exceptional performance with a bonus. Whatever you do, make sure you cultivate a culture of appreciation and respect to strengthen the bond between you and your nanny.
Unfair treatment
Treating your nanny fairly and equitably is a fundamental aspect of a successful working relationship. When it comes to pay, make sure your nanny is set up correctly on payroll so she can receive her salary on time. Treating your nanny fairly and equitably is a fundamental aspect of a successful working relationship. Review your nanny's salary after each year or when any changes happen. For example, do this if you have a new baby, and the nanny has an extra child to care for.
Disparities in compensation, benefits, or job-related responsibilities can breed resentment and hinder a healthy work relationship. Always ensure fair treatment, equal opportunities, and a supportive work culture to maintain mutual respect and trust.
Providing ongoing support after you start working with your nanny
Here at Homebodies, we understand that building a successful working relationship between a nanny and a family requires communication from both parties. It's why we take pride in providing continuous support to both our nannies and families even after the placement has been made. We check in regularly with both you (the parents) and the nanny, especially in the early days, to ensure a smooth transition and address any concerns that may arise.
Open communication is key to a successful nanny-family relationship, which is why we're always readily available to our clients and their nannies to answer any questions, offer advice, and help resolve any issues. We can clarify expectations, provide guidance on childcare matters, and offer support in navigating any challenges.
Would you like our help?
We interview new nannies regularly, and we hear all the reasons why they leave their jobs. This is how we can advise on how to handle the relationship with your nanny to make sure it works out for everyone involved. There's a lot you can do (or avoid doing) to build a strong partnership so your nanny doesn't get frustrated and leave. And if the professional partnership has broken down, and you want some help, we can support you. Head over to the blog post What to Do if Your Nanny Isn’t A Good Fit to find out more.
If you're looking for support in finding the next nanny for your family, contact us now for an informal chat.
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